I had a major meltdown yesterday over my children's behavior, scared of a new semester of college starting, scared of my boys starting middle school and thoughts of making the decision on moving to New Jersey. I felt the weight all over my shoulders and kept asking God why me, why me, why can't my children stop fighting and being disobedient. Then the feeling of who I really am, where did I go wrong, how am I going to get through this was overwhelming. I sat outside and listening to music and crickets but nothing was working. Easy answer: go to bed and hope things are better in the morning. The morning began ok, still had feelings of sadness. The best part of the day was that I had the opportunity to have girl time with a friend at the park. The weather was beautiful as was the girl time. We just chatted and enjoyed the weather but I felt better. I came back home and the feelings of sadness came back again. I managed to cook the family supper and outside I went with my laptop. The only thing I knew to do was put in some serious praise music and so I had Martha Munizzi blasting out the speakers. I don't know the words to all her songs so I just listened and thought. This is the part that gets good. As I was thinking, I thought of Beth Moore and her tapings and wondered if anything she could say would help. Sure enough, she did a series on "what to do when you don't know what to do!" Of course, it didn't give me all my answers that I thought I needed but gave me a place to start!
The lesson was in 2 Chronicles 20. Vs 15 ..Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the vast army. For the battle is not yours but God's. God still requires us to go into the battlefield but to stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give us. In vs 19 it tells us to ...stand up and praise the Lord, the God of Israel with a very loud voice. So, it told me that when I am in the middle of the battlefield to pick up praise like a weapon! I know I need to stop rehearsing my complaints and start speaking praise. When I begin to use praise as power and as a weapon out on that battlefield, I silence the mouth of the enemy.
I know this is not the total answer to all my feelings but I feel it is at least a place to start. I always tell my kids a saying that a dear friend of mine told me "what goes into your ears comes out your mouth". Rehearsing my depressing thoughts, I was doing the same thing that I tell my children not to do! Go figure... A lesson learned.
I don't know where I will go from here but I have a solid ground to stand on and praise!!!
2 comments:
Sweet Tammy,
It sounds like you have really had some stuff going on! But the thing that so blesses your "friends" is the wisdom and growth that we hear from all the words you just wrote. It thrills us because the Lord is allowing us to see some fruit of a few seeds that have been sown in your life. These are just a "few" of many seeds that others have planted also, but, oh, how my heart sings for what God is doing in your life and the growth that I see. Now, what's this about MOVING TO NEW JERSY????
Girl!
I echo what Donna has said in her comment. What a blessing to read your wisdom and insight! Even in the middle of life! And I know, too, that life is what it is! HARD most days.
Interesting that you said your were rehearsing your depressive thoughts...Why do we do this? It escapes me.
Anyway. I am glad I read your post this morning. I needed the encouragement after the weekend I had...rehearsing some depressive thoughts...you are an encouragement to me.
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